50 Shades of Fiction

Yes, I have read all three of the 50 Shades of Grey novels.  No, they are not Pulitzer Prize level novels and are probably written on a fourth or fifth grade reading level.  I was invested in the two main characters when Anastasia tripped into Mr. Grey's office before the, what is now dubbed as, "mommy porn" started.  About 1/2 way through the first novel, I started to skip through a lot of the sex in the novel because frankly, it became repetitive and boring.   But, when I got to the end of the first novel and read about Christan's childhood, I got it.   I understood why he "exercised control in all things."  So, I read the next in the series and again skipping the repetitive sex.  If you remove the component of the novel that constitutes "mommy porn," EL James has a great back story that could be done in 2 novels and would constitutes brain candy for those of us that need to occasionally read something that really doesn't require us to think.

Yes, I was one of the people that went to see the movie adaptation of 50 Shades of Grey the first weekend it was out that allowed the movie to make some $94 Million dollars.  For those that know me, I am somewhat of a liberal but somewhat of a conservative depending on the issue.  On this particular issue, I would be somewhat of a liberal.  I can tell you that the movie will not be nominated for any reputable awards.   I can tell you that I was disappointed in the lack of character development in the movie.  If you have not read the books, the movie will fall flat in that area.  I do believe that the movie does now set the bar for how far a movie can push the limits in order to gain a MPArating of R versus NC-17.   When the lights came up, I was kinda uncomfortable because it was a mixed audience.   I was not uncomfortable because a number of men braved seeing the film on Valentine's Day weekend, more than likely with the motive of pleasing their significant other and with the obvious hopes of getting laid.   I was uncomfortable because of the grandma factor.  There were women in in the audience that were my mom's age.  This is not a film I would feel comfortable sitting in a theatre, or even at home, with my mom watching.  I believe that kids look at their parents and think that they had "x" number of children, so that is the number of times they had sex.   When I was reading the novels, my mom asked about them and I told her she was not allowed to.  Looking into the future, I would like to see the movies rely less on the shock and awe of the red room and develop the characters that I was invested in when reading the novels.  There is a message in these novels and the film alludes to it with the ending.  The message, you can't fix someone.  Love will not conquer all.  Relationships, of any kind, are extremely hard work and require two people to be equally invested.  Respect for the individual in the relationship with you is huge but what is even bigger, is you have to respect yourself.

Now, there has been a great deal of hype over the movie adaptation of the novel.  Is it warranted, sure.  We are a country founded on the concept of freedom from persecution, freedom of speech (which I believe to be more responsibility of), and the pursuit of life, liberty, and happiness.  Yes, it was founded on Puritan beliefs and I am sure that they are rolling over in their graves.  Do I disagree with those that speak out against the novels and the film stating that it glorifies abusive, controlling relationships, no I do not.  But here is the reality, it is FICTION.   The simplistic definition of fiction is something that isn't real.  Do these type of relationships exist? Yes.  But, going back to the concept of fiction, that is what these novels and the film are.  If you go to this movie and or read these novels and think that this is what a relationship between two people should be, then you need therapy.  Just like Christian and Anna would benefit from therapy and not that of the red room kind.  Christian's life started off with a great deal of strikes against him.  Have I, in 24 years of teaching, taught kids that have the same or similar start to life?  Yes.  I tell them that you have lived 1/4th of your life and it is your responsibility to take control of the rest of it.  You are in control of one thing, how you respond.   Anna, really did not have a strong role model in her mother, who is on her third husband.

There was a time when I did not understand why individuals (yes, men can be in these situations also) would stay in abusive or controlling relationships, but then I had an epiphany that I was in one myself.  I get it.  It takes a lot of courage and strength to stay and it takes a lot of courage and strength to leave.  They are different types of courage and strength. I left.  I left because I knew that I had no other choice.  I was dying inside and very close to losing the person that very few know today.  The walls that I have built are impenetrable.   These walls are my responsibility to break through.  They will not come down because someone else comes into my life.  They will not come down because some devastatingly handsome, independently wealthy man that lives by the mantra of "I exert controll in all areas of my life" and sweeps me off to his red room.

This is simply what I know, what I think.

Progress Report: One Month Into 2015

I am one month into 2015.   On December 30, 2014, I wrote the following entry into my journal.

They say that studies show that people who write their goals down are more likely to accomplish them...
In 2015 -
* get my passport
* join a fitness center and go at least 3 times a week
* get my ass organized at home and school
* take a REAL vacation
* post to Finding Miss Marjorie at least 1 time a week.
* attend a USMC Educator Workshop
* become a Google Certified Teacher
* Claim my "Kick ASS Life!"

Progress Report:
Passport:  have printed the application and it is in my desk at school.

Fitness Center: have not joined.  Partly because of needing the available funds and the other, I have had a sinus infection that will not go away.  BUT, I have reconnected on Facebook with a former student that happens to be a certified personal trainer.  Problem, I live about 75 miles from the gym that he has in North St. Louis.   We have talked and I am working to get access to the weight room at school on the weekends.

Organized:  I have purged a couple boxes at home and have organized my office at school.  I tossed a lot of stuff that I could not figure out why I even still had it.  The home and the office are not completed but a significant dent has been made.  Basically, a work in progress.

REAL Vacation:  been thinking about that one.  It just might be paired with the the USMC Educator Workshop...still waiting for the dates on that one, but application has been submitted to the local recruiter that asked me to apply.

Google Certified:  Honestly, money and just have not taken the time out to do it.

Claim my "Kick ASS Life!":  SLACKER here.  I had a series of texts between a good friend last night that has been my rock through my divorce and all that has followed.  She is amazing.  She, like I have, has been focusing on her career and raising her child.  She, like I have, has been ignoring taking care of herself.   As I have previously written, I discovered this book by Andrea Owen's "52 Ways to Live a Kick-Ass Life."  Our conversation culminated this morning with her having the realization that she must work on herself first and that she doesn't have to conform or sacrifice for any person to love her.   I figured that out about October, that I was and am worthy of being deeply and unconditionally loved by someone just as much as I deeply and unconditionally love.   In March, I met a guy (we will just call him Zander because it means "protector of mankind.") that I had been talking to from a dating site.  Throughout the year, we have texted and met a couple of times.   But in October, I was contacted by another guy that I had not talked to in at least 8 months.  I even asked him it he texted me because he stumbled onto my number while he was cleaning out phone numbers.  He was honest and said yes.  This was a guy that only wanted to have a physical relationship.   I know myself well enough to know that is just something I am not capable of.  No matter how tough my exterior comes off as, I am a typically female in that physical intimacy also involves a great deal of feelings for the other person.  In those situations, I wear my heart on my sleeve.   We met, had lunch, and there was no chemistry there.  I have not heard from him since and that is perfectly fine.   No ill feelings, have a nice life.  After meeting with guy with no chemistry, Zander and I met up for a hike through a local conservation site.  I told him that I had to thank him because I have realized that I don't have to compromise myself just to be loved by someone because that simply isn't love.   That because he has treated me with respect and been straight forward that everything starts with a friendship, that I met up with guy with no chemistry and was confident and knew that the next person that I let have my heart and let my walls down for will have to earn their way into my world.  I don't have to compromise who I am just to have someone care about me in any form of a relationship.  That it is all based on a solid foundation.  

So, I asked my struggling girlfriend if she would like to join me on this journey of claiming my KICK ASS life and she has accepted the challenge.