Because I Noticed (Father's Day 2017)

If you have read my post from Mother's Day, this post will come as no surprise. This is my eighth Father's Day for my Pop to be in Heaven. I felt it was important this year to tell the men in my life - from my childhood to my first kiss to those that have married my girlfriends to those I have reconnected with. This is the poem and letter that they received in the mail (hopefully by Father's Day).

For some of you, I have noticed that you are or must be your father

Some may physically look like him

But it is much more than just appearance

You are men of wisdom

Not necessarily wisdom that comes from a book

But that from life

You are gentleman

You open doors, hold hands when helping a lady into a car

Or you place your hand lovingly to the small of her back

To assure her that you are there, no matter what

You are faithful

Faithful to God, Faithful to Family,

Faithful to those you have let into your heart

You are strength

Not necessarily strength that can physically move something

Strength that supports a family

Strength that supports friends

Strength that the person who has given you their heart knows will

always lift them up

You are grace

Grace that is dignity, forgiveness, compassion, kindness,

and simple goodness

You are simple men

Whether it is the simple man of Skynyrd that listens to and loves his mother

Or that of the urban dictionary that is grateful for the little things in life, humble, knows what matters and more importantly what doesn’t, of great character, heart of gold that loves nature,

You know that your time is short, you make the best of every breath you take, and are brave

You are accomplished

Your accomplishments are not awards hung in frames on walls

Your children are your accomplishments  or something  you may or don’t even know

Your greatest gift is that of your imperfections.

You embrace your imperfections

For those imperfections that

you are loved.

For those with daughters, you have been and remain their first love.  You have taught them what it means to be respected, to be loved, to be protected and expect any man in their lives to do the same … for no matter her age, she will always be Daddy’s Princess

For those with sons, look at the way they treat the women in their lives. The women that they hold close and love with all their hearts, and the women that they call friends.

For others, you have taken in children that are not even yours and made them yours.

I find myself, at almost fifty, still expecting the men in my life to live up the imperfect standard my Pop set.  Pop was not perfect but, in reality, those imperfections are what have taught me patience, love, grit, commitment, and hard work. For some, you will spend the time with your father and your children and, not on purpose, take for granted that there will be more to come. Treat each day and moment as if it is not guaranteed.

For some, this is your first Father’s Day without your pillar, your strength, your teacher, your best friend, your champion, your hero.  I ask you to look in the mirror and see the man that your father was because he gave you all his gifts.  Look in the mirror and know that your children see you in the same light you saw your father...this is  how generations become great.

That is how we know our purpose

I will not see see most of you on this Father’s Day but, know that you are amazing, loving, simple men that have in some way shaped the woman that I am evolving into. I have seen your love for your family and your children and wish that others loved unconditionally the same way. I have been blessed to experience your love. On this day, as every day,  I know you are amazing in your own way. I thank each one of you for the impact you have had on my life.

Because of you, I am a better person.

God it is me, Daddy's Girl

This is the text of a story that I wrote following a conversation with a childhood friend who had recently lost her father. Her circumstances are very similar to those when my father (Pop) left on his journey September 29, 2008. She is the same age that I was then, with three children (two that are the ages my sons where at the time), and has the perception that she must be the rock, the strength, and keep everyone on schedule. She is angry, an understatement. After talking with her about her grief, I thought a great deal and asked God to give me the words that could possibly give her a slight bit of comfort this Father's Day. This is the result.

“God, it’s me...Daddy’s Girl” sitting on a park bench looking at the lake.  

“I am very angry with you, with my Daddy, with the world...”  She could not understand why everyone at the park was moving so fast… like rays of light.  It was like she was looking into their world.  It was bright and warm.  Her world was very cold and dark...like a cave with no lights.

“I don’t understand why you needed to take MY daddy when you did…,” she said as the tears started to run down her face like a waterfall.  “Why did he have to let you take him, too?

“Why him?  Why now?

Don’t you know that I still need my daddy?!?”  Daddy’s girl looked up to the sky.

In her most angry voice, Daddy’s Girl said, “I want my daddy back!” She was scolding the sky.  

Her head dropped into her hands as she sat on the bench and sobbed.  “Why?”  

She sat there looking at her hands as if she held her shattered heart in it thinking … My Daddy always knew how to mend my heart. No one can mend my heart like my Daddy.

Daddy’s girl took in a deep breath, “I want to sit next to my daddy again.  I want to talk to him about … everything.  I am not ready for him to not be here! I can’t do this life without him!” She took a deep breath and looked around her to see if anyone could tell she was crying.  She was sure that people would see her crying and talking to herself and think she was out of her mind.

“God?” Daddy’s Girl asked, “Would it have made a difference if we had made other choices?” Sucking in a deep gasp of air and wiping the tears from her chin, “I just don’t understand it all.”

Daddy’s girl just sat there and stared out … “God, Is my daddy there with you right now?  Does he know how much I miss him?  Does he know how hard it is each day to even wake up?  How I don’t want to go anywhere because I always run into someone that wants to tell me that they are sorry that he is gone and tell me stories about him?  Does he know how angry I am that he isn’t here?”

She just sat still while images of her daddy and her played out as a movie in front of her.  

“I need his strength, his sense of humor, his wisdom, his teasing me, his hand holding mine… I want to hear him say that he loves me again.”

She felt the air barely move around her.  Looking down at her hands again and the shattered heart, Daddy’s girl noticed that a couple of the pieces were now touching.  She could still see the fracture, but they were touching.

The wind seemed to wrap itself around her like a blanket … a blanket that her daddy would cover her up with when she was a little girl.  Only … Daddy’s girl wasn’t a little girl anymore … she was a beautiful young woman and a mother that embodied everything her Daddy ever was.

It got brighter and as she looked up, light was streaming through the clouds down on her.  Her Daddy was sending her a hug and telling her that he had heard every word she had said.  Her Daddy knew that she was angry and that she missed him, but was watching her everyday.  He saw his strength in her and his wisdom.  He also saw in her his heart.  A heart that was giving and loving and that served God in so many ways that she did not even know she was doing it.  He wished that he could hold her hand again but knew that would happen when it was her time take the same journey.  He wished that she could hear him say “I love you,” but that would happen when it was her time to take the same journey.  

The time for her to take that journey would not be up to her, it would not be up to him… It would be up to God.  

Her Daddy made her a promise, that he knew she could not hear, that he was and would always be watching over her and would always love her.  He hoped that when she felt the wind wrap around her that he was hugging her.  He hoped that she knew how beautiful she always was and will be.  He hoped that she knew that he and God were with her in the darkness … when it was time, his hand and God’s would be there to help her find her way.

Daddy’s Girl closed her eyes and leaned back on the bench.  When she opened them, the sky was not as bright as it had been and the clouds were filling the sky like puffs of cotton … and for a few brief seconds she felt a little comfort but knew that her journey here was not done.  

As she stood up from the bench to walk to her car, she turned around and looked up at the sky and said, “Daddy, I love and miss you too.”

Written with Love

Miss Marjorie