Online Dating: If I Were A Boy / Think Like a Man

I have tried my hand, again at the online dating scene.  I paid for a month (yes, only a month) on a site (doesn't matter which one).  I have texted with a couple of the men that have expressed interest, met a couple and am still in contact with the amazing man I first posted about when I started my blog a year ago but there are a few new realizations that I have come to in just a wee month.

Queen Bey said it best, "If I were a boy I think I could understand..." this whole online dating culture and it is a culture. I am Curious George. For those that know me, they also know that I have no fear in asking questions. I have also seen Steve Harvey's "Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man."  Here are some of the things that I have come to understand...

Yes, they can arrive looking as if they have rolled out of bed and thrown on what they wanted and just go.  Men don't seem to worry as to whether or not they are going to make an impression on you when they first meet because they really don't have to.   Why do they not have to?!? Because they have a plethora of women to choose from and before they even meet you in person have already decided if you meet their physical requirement.   For most men, that is HOT! and usually within a certain weight range that I have not been in since the fat fairy arrived in the third grade.  I have only met a handful of the men that I have communicated with from online dating.  I do make myself presentable to make a good solid physical first impression.  I make sure that I don't wear heels if the guys are as tall or just a couple inches taller than me.  I make sure that my make-up is natural, not looking like I have attend the drag queen's school of make-up.

"And chase after girls."  I have met a number that are serial daters.  I can't keep straight which load of laundry I need to do next let alone have three dates with three separate women in one week. I have to pencil in when I get to pee let alone to schedule three dates in one week. But, there is an element of "the chase" that guys seem to like, the element of surprise.  I don't look like someone that

There is the "canceled" criteria. That is that if someone cancels on you three times, then they are history.  Why give them three times?  I think if the person cancels on you and they cannot give you a reason that in this age of the Internet you cannot easily locate to corroborate their story (Yes!  I am aware that I have trust issues.) then there isn't another time to cancel.  Why waste your time?  Also, just own it.  If it isn't there for you, then don't give them any kind of hope that there may be another date or even a relationship.

There is the "meeting the kids" criteria.  This seems to depend on the age of the kids.  Adult kids you will probably never meet unless you have moved in with the person. This I am completely on board with is that the ones that live with you (full-time or part-time) will depend on a variety of factors.  When we are exclusive.   Only after a year of dating exclusively.  As even friends, you won't even meet them because they don't need to be confused that a male and female can be "just friends" because we know that isn't reality.  Matter of fact, I was watching a movie with my teenager (a boy) that had a mother and step-father situation.  He stated that I was not allowed to date until he had moved out of my house.  I looked at him and said, "Just what makes you think I am not in a relationship now and you just don't know it?"  He stares blankly at me and then states, "Because you don't go out enough."  He is gone most weekends and that is when I schedule my social time.

The physical relationship.  This is something that I am very candid about.  Having a conversation with a male friend (said amazing male I met a year ago) and we both could agree on one thing, that most women are not capable of having a purely physical relationship.  This meaning that the individuals have sex, no cuddling, no talking about their lives, no fixing breakfast, thank you so now you can leave.  I know that I am not capable of letting my feelings enter into a physical relationship.  I am straight up front on this subject.  I am not a notch on some one's bed post.  I have no interest in being some one's fluffer.  I believe that the friendship has to be there before the benefits and even the benefits are something that comes with an exclusive or monogamous relationship that is going somewhere.  I feel that Steve Harvey's 90-day rule has merit.

I go into this culture knowing that I am worth someone investing their time, their heart, their life in me as I know there is someone out there for me to do the same.  I recently described my self to someone as "Sarcastic.  47.  Curvy."  I am someone that has lived life and at times, yes, it has lived me.   When I talk to guys, they want someone that is mature, doesn't play games, yada, yada, yada...but then they want all that wrapped up in the package of Barbie.  I have my eyes wide open. I also know that I am worth taking my time in this next chapter of my life.