Two months ago, my seventy three year old mother passed away. It was not expected by any means. MoMo, as we had lovingly come to call her and a name that my students will tell you will be followed by some form of a story from me, had not been feeling well for a couple of days but we both chalked it up to being October and cold/flu season. Saturday evening, MoMo complained that her feet were like ice and that she was so cold. She went to bed at 8:30 that night but that was not uncommon. What was uncommon was that she actually went to bed because she would normally lay in bed and read for a couple hours. The next morning, she did not go to church with me but when I returned home, MoMo was very proud that she had taken a shower and felt a little bit better. I spend my afternoon working in the yard. I had noticed, a number of times, that there was a faint yellow butterfly just flitting around the yard but never coming close to me. I went into the house about four and MoMo was settling into her chair. I could tell that whatever was going on with her, she was weak. I sat down to watch one of the shows that she had on the DVR with her. For the next hour, she would comment about how cold she was while I just sat there and sweating. It wasn't an out of character warm day in October for Missouri nor what it an out of character cold day. About five, I noticed that she was sleeping, paused the program, and went into the kitchen to make dinner. My boyfriend came over to help me change a belt on the used John Deere riding lawn mower that she just purchased for me and that I just glowed over. The butterfly was still just flitting around. We had gone in about five till six and spoken with her. She said something and I just told her, "Old woman, you don't feel well. Just take a nap." MoMo laughed at me. She totally laughed at me. We went back out and at one point, the little yellow butterfly came over to us and circled around us and then flew off to the next destination. At 6:25 pm, the tailspin began with the simple pull of a chain that turned on a light in our living room. My seventeen year old son realized before I did that MoMo had not just taken a nap, but had taken an eternal nap. Fully reclined with her iPad on her stomach, there was no sign of a struggle, MoMo's lips had no color to them and were the ashen grey. I tried to "wake" her and ran to a wall that had not had a phone hanging on it for some 30 years to call 911.
While her death certificate reads the time her death was called in Room 15 of the local emergency room of 7:05 pm, I can tell you that the time she left this world was probably closer to 6:00 pm.
I am a firm believer in signs. That yellow butterfly was a sign. It spend the afternoon just hanging around the back yard until her soul was ready for the journey she was to take. The yellow butterfly is a symbol of hope and guidance. My boyfriend is a childhood friend, one that grew up two houses down from me. We reconnected in May and had been pretty much inseparable since late June. MoMo had often commented on how happy she was that he and I are together and that she knew how loved and protected I was with him. On this day, that little yellow butterfly was what early Christians believed to be a symbol of the soul and even more so that in the countries of Scotland and Ireland means that the departed soul is at peace. I do believe that MoMo is at peace. I do believe that she knew she could go and that my sister and I are in good hands.
The following day, October 24 was my parent's fifty-first wedding anniversary. Since my father's passing in 2008, they were together in the same place. That made it all the more sweeter for her.
Two weeks later, as I had done for my father, I spoke at her Celebration of Life and today, two months after, I share.
"EIGHT YEARS AND 5 WEEKS AGO, I STOOD HERE AND GOD BLESSED ME WITH THE WORDS TO CELEBRATE THE LIFE OF MY FATHER. STANDING HERE THEN AND NOW, I DID NOT FATHOM THAT I WOULD BE HERE SO SOON FOR MY MOTHER, MOMO. I HAVE ASKED THAT GOD BLESS ME WITH THE WORDS AGAIN TO CELEBRATE HER LIFE.
TWO WEEKS LATER, I HAVE COME THROUGH SOME PORTION OF ALL THE 5 STAGES OF GRIEF BUT NOT IN THE ORDER THEY SAY YOU GO THROUGH THEM. WHAT I COME BACK TO EVERY TIME IS “I HAVE RUN THE RACE. I HAVE FOUGHT THE GOOD FIGHT. I HAVE FAITH AND IT IS OKAY FOR ME TO GO HOME.”
TWO WEEKS AGO, MY SISTER AND I LOST MORE THAN JUST OUR MOTHER. WE LOST OUR ROCK, OUR BEST FRIEND, OUR BIGGEST CHAMPION AND I DO TRULY BELIEVE THAT SHE WAS TO SPEND HER 51ST WEDDING ANNIVERSARY WITH OUR DAD IN HEAVEN THE NEXT DAY.
WHEN PEOPLE ASK HOW OLD SHE WAS AND I SAY “73,” THEY LOOKED SHOCKED AND SAY THAT IS YOUNG. YEAH, IT IS BUT HER LEASE HERE WAS DONE AND GOD HAD AND HAS A BIGGER PLAN.
AS I HAVE SIFTED THROUGH THE PICTURES OF NOT JUST MY LIFE BUT, MY MOTHER’S AND PREVIOUS GENERATIONS….MY MOTHER’S SMILE STOOD OUT TO ME DURING SO MANY DIFFERENT STAGES OF HER LIFE...I QUICKLY CONNECTED THAT AS THE SAME SMILE I SEE ON MY SISTER.
A LOT OF PEOPLE HAVE SAID THAT OUR MOTHER WAS A WOMAN WITH A KIND, GIVING, GODLY HEART...I DON’T DISAGREE BECAUSE I KNOW THAT MY GIFTS AND TALENTS FOR SERVICE TO OTHERS IS FROM MY MOTHER. I CAN TELL YOU THAT THE LAST BABY BLANKET SHE MADE WAS COMPLETED ON OCTOBER 16TH SO THAT IT COULD BE GIVEN TO RACHEL AND ELIZABETH ON THE 18TH. SHE ACCEPTED PEOPLE FOR WHO THEY WERE AND TAUGHT US THAT GOD DID NOT PUT ANY OF US ON THIS PLANET TO JUDGE THE OTHER SIMPLY BECAUSE WE ALL MEET THE SAME MAKER.
THE ONE GLARING CHARACTER TRAIT THAT BOTH MY SISTER AND I HAVE BEEN GIVEN BY OUR MOTHER IS, WHILE WE EACH APPROACH IT DIFFERENTLY, THE ABILITY TO BE “MARTOLD.” IF YOU WERE TO ATTEMPT TO FIND THIS DICTIONARY, YOU WOULD NOT BE ABLE TO. THIS IS DEFINED BY THE ABILITY TO JUST TELL SOMEONE EXACTLY LIKE IT IS. MY SISTER’S APPROACH IS TO DO THIS WITH A RAISED RIGHT EYEBROW, PULLING HER HAIR BACK WITH HER CHEATERS AND DRAWING OUT THE WORD, “NOW …..” THE PAST TWO WEEKS, THIS HAS BEEN A BLESSING BECAUSE IN MANY SITUATIONS THAT HAVE HAPPENED THAT FOLLOW THE PASSING OF A PARENT, I AM NOT TOO SURE THAT MY APPROACH TO THIS WOULD HAVE BEEN TOO EFFECTIVE. MY APPROACH IS TO JUST THROW IT OUT THERE, TYPICALLY WITHOUT A FILTER, AND DEPENDING ON THE LOCATION IT JUST MIGHT INCLUDE THE “F” WORD.
MY MOTHER LOVED HER FAMILY UNCONDITIONALLY...THIS WAS MOST EVIDENT WITH HER GRANDCHILDREN. SHE WOULD DEFEND MY SONS AND BEG ME TO SPARE THE SORORITY PADDLE WHICH, EXCEPT FOR 2 OCCASIONS - 1 TIME EACH CHILD, I DID AT HER REQUEST. WITH MY NEPHEW SPENCER, THE MOMENT THAT STANDS OUT IS WHEN HE STAYED THE NIGHT A YEAR AGO WITH US AND HE SAT ON HER LAP WHILE THEY READ A STORY.
MY MOTHER WAS KNOWN FOR HER DEVOTION TO THIS CHURCH, THIS SANCTUARY, THIS CONGREGATION …. IT WAS MY MOTHER’S ROCK….THAT HAS BEEN OUR BLESSING ALSO.
GOD BLESSED ME WITH THE OPPORTUNITY A YEAR AGO TO MOVE MYSELF AND MY YOUNGEST SON INTO THE LITTLE BRICK HOUSE. TO HEAR JEREMIAH AND HER LAUGHING AND TEASING EACH OTHER TOOK ME BACK TO MY CHILDHOOD AND MY PARENTS DOING THE SAME. WE WERE REALLY JUST FINALLY STARTING TO HIT A GROOVE, A ROUTINE. JEREMY AND I WOULD GET UP IN THE MORNINGS AROUND 5 AND IT WAS HIS RESPONSIBILITY TO WATER AND FEED THE ANIMALS AND TO WATER THE MOMO BECAUSE SHE COULD NOT LIFT THE BRITTA DISPENSER IN THE REFRIGERATOR. SHE WOULD SPEND HER DAY WITH THE THREE CATS AND THE DOG. SHE GOT HER EXERCISE BEING THE DOG’S BUTLER ALL DAY AND WOULD REMIND ME THAT SHE HAD DONE IT ALL DAY AND IT WAS MY TURN WHEN I GOT HOME. SIX TO SEVEN WAS SACRED “FAMILY FUED” TIME. THEN SHE WOULD LOOK AT HER RECORDINGS LIST ON THE DVR AND WANT TO KNOW WHAT I WANTED TO WATCH WITH HER. SINCE SHE CHOSE HER CABLE / SATELLITE PROVIDER ON WHO HAD HALLMARK, YOU CAN ONLY IMAGE THE AMOUNT OF SUGAR IN TV VIEWING ALONE….THE ONLY THING THAT WE NEVER REALLY MANAGED TO GET TO WAS THAT SHE COULD NOT START HAVING A CONVERSATION WITH ME THE MINUTE THAT I WALKED IN THE DOOR AND THAT IF WE WERE NOT IN THE SAME ROOM, THEN I COULD NOT HEAR HER. THIS WAS USUALLY MARKED WITH ME YELLING “ARE WE IN THE SAME ROOM?” WHILE MY SISTER HAS MY FATHER’S QUIET RESERVE, I AM MY MOTHER’S DAUGHTER AND CAN TALK ABOUT ANYTHING FOR AN INDEFINITE PERIOD OF TIME.
I AM A FIRM BELIEVER THAT YOU ARE MARKED BY THE PEOPLE AND EVENTS IN YOUR LIFE. I AM MARKED BY THIS EVENT IN VERY SUBTLE WAYS AND VERY PROFOUND WAYS. IN THESE TWO WEEKS, I HAVE LEARNED THAT I HAVE TO NOW MAKE MY OWN GROCERY LIST, GET HOME TO LET THE DOG OUT BECAUSE SHE NO LONGER HAS A BUTLER ALL DAY, GRACIE (HER CAT) STILL DOESN’T LIKE ME, THAT I HAVE TO LEARN TO PAY ALL THE BILLS AGAIN, AND THE MOST PROFOUND IS THAT IT IS REALLY QUIET WHEN I GET HOME, WHILE IT WILL BE AWHILE BEFORE I RECOMMEND THAT YOU TELL SOMEONE TO TAKE A NAP, I DO RECOMMEND THAT YOU ALWAYS SAY “I LOVE YOU” AND KNOW THAT YOU ARE SO VERY, VERY BLESSED. "
