At One Month
It is important to note that this chapter is being written on the one month mark of the death of the father and best friend of Thomas. For me, it is a reflection of the one month mark after Momo left.
At one month, you are still moving in slow motion - if at all. The World, everybody else, moving at the speed of light. You are standing completely surrounded by darkness, alone. Everybody else is just streaks of bright light like the ones you see in the movie Tron. You look down and are standing in a puddle of your own tears. The puddle is growing to be more like a lake that you are in the middle of that you will eventually have to start treading water in order to keep your head above. Everyone else is completely dry. You only realize it is one month because you realize the date you are writing down is exactly one month after. For everyone else, it is simply just another day, another month has passed in the huge chasm that time can be.
You feel like it is was, yes cliche, just yesterday that your entire world as you know it completely imploded and exploded at the same time even though it is against the law of physics that it can even happen. Everyone else is completely ordered and collected. You wait for the door to open and that person to walk through. You look at the phone and wait to see their name when it rings. You think you hear their voice call your name but they are not there. You go about your day. You try to function. You don’t make sense but no one tells you that you don’t make sense. You see others whisper. You don’t know what they are talking about and just hope that it is not about you but most likely it is. Your mailbox still fills with cards and notes. People still call and check on you. They can’t possibly know how you feel. There is no one else that has lived the exact same story that you are living.
The numbness, the shock is starting to become more of a sting. The sting is becoming more of a knife positioned perfectly in the center of your chest … positioned perfectly in the center of what is space where your heart used to be.
There you are at one month.
