I have been faithfully going to the gym five to six days a week for the past three weeks at varied times. I am a people watcher and know no strangers. Today, I was about thirty-five minutes into my sixty minute treadmill workout when this older gentleman came in wearing a World War II Veteran ball cap. All sweaty and out of breath, I thanked him for his service. The gentleman smiled politely at me and said "thank you." He climbed up on the treadmill next to me and asked how far I had walked and how long. I told him that I was about half way through a sixty minute workout before I got on the bike for another thirty. He smiled and laughed a little. As we talked, I introduced myself and said it was an honor to meet him. His name is Roy and he is 92. His spirit was amazing and uplifting. He also informed me that despite a pacemaker, he planned to live to 100. As I moved from the treadmill to the bike, I got myself a new water bottle and bought Roy one and told him that it was important to stay hydrated.
It was during this approximately thirty minute conversation that all the stuff I was doing before about the truth about love, really wasn't what I knew to be the truth about love in my life. P!nk isn't wrong by any means. Love is flowers, armpits, sweat, tears, fear, anger, and all the other words she has used. I am a huge P!nk fan....yes, on my bucket list to meet her. I think she is an amazing role model. Yet, after talking to Roy and spending most of the past two weeks on a major emotional roller coaster that I know for a fact drove some of my friends to the brink of insanity, if not tossing them over the edge when it comes to me.
Roy talked to me about his wife of 72 years. He was drafted into the Army in January 1943, served for six months and returned home on leave to marry the love of his life. He was home for three months and then returned to active duty by landing in France and eventually fighting in and surviving The Battle of the Bulge. He talked then about caring for his wife during her descent into Alzheimer's Disease. How he cared for her as long as he possibly could - bathing her, feeding her, taking care of all her needs- until had to place her in a nursing home. He said that he visited her every day and had breakfast with her. This was down in Texas. He still goes down there every November through March. While he is down there, he returns to that same facility, he says because of the hugs.
Our conversation centered around God and blessings. How it all comes down to He has a purpose for us and that we don't always know what it is or ever know what it is, we just do it. Roy also told me that next week he will be having his pacemaker that he has had for 10 years replaced by a newer model by one of our local heart specialists. He told me his name and I said, "God has placed you in very capable hands." If you pray to any God, please add him to yours because I look forward to trying to be there everyday during his designated time, just to get my dose of what I have learned about love.
I learned today that we love with a heart that God has given us. We are not perfect in giving that love but we love. When we find that one person that is worthy of being loved the way that not only the way we love ourselves (because you can not really love another if you don't love yourself) but loving the way God loves us and we Him. The truth is that if we are truly capable of loving ourselves, there is nothing that we are not capable of doing for someone that we truly love. Like that love that was demonstrated by Roy with his wife and the Alzheimer's. I can not even imaging watching the person that for over three-fourths of your life you have unconditionally loved die twice. First, by the overtaking of the Alzheimer's that makes the person disappear and then the second, when her body goes. We talked about the emptiness that follows the passing of someone you love (Roy about his wife, Myself my MoMo) and that you ask God to not let you wake up the next day and that you just want to be with them where they are. I said, "I keep waking up. I figure that God has a purpose for me." Roy said, "We don't even get to know that purpose most of the time. Maybe your purpose today was to talk to me and I mine to you."
I learned that love is sacrifice, it is hard work, it is beautiful, it is monogamy, it is dedication, it is a journey between two people that can be intimate physically and soulfully that breathes life into the individual and into the two, it is moments when you don't agree but you respect the other's opinion, it is knee deep in blessings of children and friends, it is the moments of silence that don't feel empty or strained, it is the laughter, it is the passion, it is accountability, it is responsibility, it is scars on the heart, but above all...it is that commitment to another person that becomes a promise that no matter what ... the good, the bad, the ugly, the sticky, the legal, the health or lack of health. Love is forgiveness, it is messy, it is not just words that you say, it is shown through your actions. Love can shatter a heart ... Love can mend a heart.
All of this is only possible through the twisting of a line from the P!nk song, "Free" "[...Why can't I just love myself enough? Instead of looking outside. For what I should have inside myself." If you cannot love yourself...If you cannot see that you are enough...If you cannot see yourself worthy of love...then you cannot love another.
All of this is only possible through the twisting of a line from the P!nk song, "Free" "[...Why can't I just love myself enough? Instead of looking outside. For what I should have inside myself." If you cannot love yourself...If you cannot see that you are enough...If you cannot see yourself worthy of love...then you cannot love another.
Roy is all those things that I have learned about love...it is hope, it is giving my faith in God that I am capable of loving not just myself but another. When it is right, God will let me know...Today reminded me that I still have a huge heart that is giving and capable of love ... what I need to do is find that love inside myself again...and then I will be free. I have been a fighter and I have been strong and yes, it is exhausting. The minute that I gave in to letting myself walk the path less traveled, the one that I believe God chose for me...it is then that I will be truly capable of loving myself and loving another in the manner that Roy reminded me of today. That is the truth about what I have learned about love.
